Funeral Food May Not Be the Healthiest...

I spent last week at my younger brother’s bedside as he was dying. He’d struggled bravely for three years with malignant melanoma, a terrible disease, enduring rounds of chemotherapy that never failed to make him feel even sicker.

He placed all of his faith in the pharmaceutical-medical industry and would politely listen to my gentle suggestions about alternative treatments but wouldn’t even try the homeopathic remedy nux vomica for the inevitable nausea that accompanied his chemo treatments.

Instead of harassing him about trying something natural, I supported him by being there when I could. I think when someone has faith in a medical treatment, it isn’t helpful to undermine that faith, even though I believed otherwise and it hurt to see him continuing to get worse.

Funeral Food

I wonder if this is a universal phenomenon, the giving of food when someone dies. Neighbors brought complete meals to the house. One meal was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, biscuits (it’s the South—there are lots of biscuits at meals), and a small spinach salad.

A kind neighbor brought what she called breakfast food: a big box filled with sticky, sweet pastries from a well-known bakery/restaurant. The neighbor on the other side brought huge cakes from the big discount store. And there were mounds of potato salad, macaroni salad and cookies.

There was the very generous woman, part of our extended family, who came to the house throughout the dying process and funeral ordeal and prepared meals for us and watched the baby, my brother’s grandson.

The meals were based on large quantities of meat, of course, but when she learned I was a vegetarian she thoughtfully brought over a large salad.

All of this food was standard American fare—not something a health-conscious vegetarian would willingly choose. However, the thing is… it was suffused with love and caring. As I ate the mashed potatoes, I chose to feel that love instead of worry about whether they might have had butter in them. The salad dressings were made with ingredients I wouldn’t have chosen, but they too were offered with love and kindness.

I could rant and rave about how this food is what leads to illness. There is time for that later. At this time I’m choosing to be thankful to all of the women who expressed their love and concern by preparing and bringing us food. They would be horrified if they believed this food caused harm. The food they brought was nurturing from their hearts.

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